Sheesh! It’s been a good five months since I’ve written. What the heck have I been doing with my life?
Well, this has been probably the most bizarre, exciting and mind-bending season of my life. While tangible wealth has been slipping quickly through my fingers (just interviewed for a great job, so believing that is going to change right quick!), my life has been filling up equally as fast the only true wealth.
In February I started the OasisLA internship. I think most people going into this program get stretched by all the time commitments:
Serving in an area of ministry 15 hours a week.
Reading through the Bible in a year.
Weekly theology classes.
Weekly memory verses.
Individual mental breakdowns. haha..
Since I haven’t had full time work for a year now, I have had plenty of time to put into internship, so that hasn’t been my struggle. My serving hours are in the youth ministry, and I’ve found myself on just about every team they have.
High school worship team.
Jr High worship team.
Social media team.
Highschool outreach team.
Pillow-fight team. (Okay this one was self-created and self-assigned. But it’s been super effective.)
But all of this is old hat to me. Been doing it since I was 15. But what has thrown me for a loop has been the fire-breathing dragon that is my mentor! And when I say fire I mean God’s Word. And when I say dragon I mean tyrannical beast with sharp teeth. Hahaha. Kidding. Julian is the best. But seriously. He’s no joke.
Julian has the gift of basically being able to describe what an idiot you’re being while simultaneously sending you out of his office feeling like you are the most valuable person in the world. I’m still not sure how he does it. But it has something to do with the fact that he shows us over and over how much he cares about us, so that the things he says aren’t just empty words to try to get us to do something for him. And the way he talks to us makes us want to become the greatness he seems to see in us. And isn’t this just like our God? Loving us completely…so completely that He doesn’t want us to stay the way we are when where He’s taking us is soooooo much better!
I’ll never forget the day I was sitting on the floor in our weekly youth intern meeting with Julian. 7 of us in total under his reign- er -leadership. We turned on some music for a time of worship and prayer. I slunk down along the wall and the familiar voices of confusion creeped in. There had been so many times throughout the last couple months where I felt like I’d reached greater breakthrough than ever…only to wake up the next morning feeling confused and tied up inside all over again. Questions creeping in that made me wonder if I really heard from God at all, or was just imagining things.
And here I was again. Same old story. Even after all Julian had encouraged me in, even after all of his belief in me- still struggling with anxiety and confusion. What a dunce. I was so angry and frustrated about this that I was literally imagining myself running out the door of that room, out of the building, and down the street to nowhere. Just anywhere but sitting there and feeling like I just couldnt get what was being spoon-fed to me!
I sat there, head down and tears streaming, when a hand reached down and pulled me to my feet.
“Jewel get up.” The voice wasn’t unkind, but it was firm. “Get up.” I stood up reluctantly, head drooped in shame. “Look at me.” A command to fly would have been easier at that moment. Finally I lifted my eyes to his face. “Stop this. You are way past this. You need to believe that you are already free. You already have all you need. Stop looking inside yourself and start looking around at the people you need to reach out to and encourage.” This may sound insensitve, but it’s exactly what I needed. I had had my season of introspection and breakthrough. Now the enemy was doing everything he could to keep me focused on that instead of where I needed to go, and who I needed to serve. I didn’t need to be babied anymore. I needed an intervention!
We are all at different phases in our journey. There is definitely a season for digging inside ourselves, being honest with our wounds, and seeking counsel and healing. But we are never meant to stay there. It feels good to have someone help us along the way to freedom, but the day will come when we have to let go of that hand so we can take the hand of someone else who needs to be lead.
For the first time in my life I have an accurate perspective of who God has called me to be. And it is the most humbling thing to behold.
[2Co 3:18 NASB] But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory…
Um…I don’t mean to brag, but I’m freaking full of His glory! But the thing is, YOU ARE TOO! Oh if only we all could see ourselves the way He sees us! I’m beginning to look into the face of every human being and search for the piece of Jesus He deposited there. Everyone has a unique part of Him woven into them! If only they could see it! Sometimes people just need someone who is already glowing to call out the radiance in them as well!
A friend of mine once told me, “You take simple things, simple people, and make them seem powerful.” That was probably the 2nd best compliment I’ve ever received. But I told him that I believe the power is truly there. It has simply been overlooked or taken for granted. And if I could spend the rest of my life illuminating and drawing out the beauty & power I see in people…that would be a darn good life!
It doesn’t take a superhuman to mirror God’s glory. Those don’t even exist. All it takes is someone who surrenders, and takes Him at His word.
God is not a man.
He is incapable of lying.
So if He says YOU are capable of mirroring His glory-