Grow or Die


hargrove_holiday_030Jiu Jitsu continues to kick my butt. Most of the time as I walk up to the door and wonder what the heck I have gotten myself into. I keep finding bruises on my arms and legs.  While other girls are tanning and getting ready to show off their perfect legs for the summer, I’m wondering how many people are going to ask if I’m being abused at home. Yet I feel stronger than ever.

Physically I’ve been making huge changes the last couple years. I decided to take my health seriously because my call in life is too serious to get derailed by a health issue. I still despise planning meals, but I’m finding ways like NatureBox  and juicing to help make healthy options fun. Now that I have exercise in place as a consistent part of my life I’m seeing my energy and mood transform.

But even more than physically I’ve been seeing growth in my spirit. There is just something about finally taking the steps to become who I truly want to be. Not making excuses…just setting my jaw and bearing down on the fear until it turns into expectancy. I’ve been hit with every doubt and lie imaginable since I’ve started chasing down the real Jewel. Whether in Jiu Jitsu or my music it’s the same lies. “You don’t have what it takes, you’re not talented like they are.” “They are taking it easy on you, you wouldn’t make it in the real world.” “You have no idea what you’re doing, how long will you really be able to keep this up?” “Can you really afford this?” and on and on.

But I have to ask…am I worth it? Is growth worth it? Did I end up on this planet to sit around and hope greatness comes to me, or am I going to pull on my work boots and dig in this mine of a soul until the true treasure is found. I know I’ve been talking a lot about comfort lately. Everyday I am tempted to sit back and take it easy. To browse Living Social instead of write a blog. To watch Masterpiece Theater again instead of memorizing Scripture or taking a walk to pray. To head to the coffee shop instead of the gym. To go hang out with friends instead of practice my music. None of these things are bad, and I know I need time to relax and enjoy life. But if I hide in my comfort in the times I know I should be fighting to grow, it’s like I feel life trickling out of me. Like an hour-glass of gold dust that I can either work to supply with more gold…or sit back and feel it sifting down to the bottom and out of me forever.

I must continue to fight, to sharpen, to chisel out my character with discipline and absolute trust in Him. Fighting hard, playing hard, loving full. More is at stake than my happiness and my “finding myself” (though I believe God delights in that part of the journey). Others await this warrior to help rescue and restore their lives.

Just like a flower, when we stop growing…we start dying.

Every day I choose to grow.


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