It’s amazing how free you can feel when you know Someone bigger and better than you is on your side. I love the analogy of that scene in the Lion king. Simba is facing the hyenas and lets out a little squeaky roar which produces nothing but laughter from his foes. In a last ditch attempt to muster a fierce roar, he sucks in his breath. As he heaves out his chest a ground-shaking roar consumes the atmosphere around them. It is only then that we see Simba’s father standing behind him, as though He had been there the whole time.
The other day at work I got a summons to my boss’s office. This usually means I’m about to be sent out on a run. The errand could be 10min away to Fedex, or 3 hours away in San Diego. This one fell somewhere in between, but I knew that round trip it was going to be about 3 hours. Perfect time to listen to a sermon, catch up on the stories of King Arthur on recorded book, or write a song. The weight of shame from the last couple weeks of less than stellar results in the area of music was flaring up, so somewhere on the I-10 I decided to work on a song.
I already had a chorus idea, so I started singing it over a few times and tweaked a few lyrics. Then I hummed around until a verse idea came to mind. After awhile something clicked and I knew I better record the idea so I’d be able to build on it later in a more stationary environment. As I grabbed my phone in between gear-shifts I suddenly became aware of how loud the traffic was. If I could only close my passenger side window. I looked longingly at the manual window handle across my cab. It was not an easy reach when you have to keep one foot on the clutch. Still…since traffic was so slow it was worth a try. I reached, and didn’t quite make it. Traffic started to move so I bolted up and shifted into first. Maybe I could get by without closing the window. It was just for reference…as long as I could mostly hear the recording it’d be fine.
I quickly tapped my recorder on and started to sing. No sooner had I reached the new verse than a large dump truck with mega-phones attached to it’s engine came rolling up next to me. My eyes widened as the thought “Really?!” flashed through my skull, but I simply raised my voice until I was done recording. Finishing that verse I stopped and threw eye-darts at the growling beast beside me. That window had to go up. I stretched my torso as long as I could, straining my fingers towards the handle. Contact! I began to twist the handle when it popped completely off the door. “Barf!” I bounced up to shift and move with traffic.
I gritted my teeth at my failed attempt to be productive but gradually melted into a laugh. Of course. Of course I’d have plenty of time to work on a song…but I’d be stuck next to a rumbling truck…and my window handle would fall off. Of course. Well…at least I had got part of a song idea recorded.
Sometimes all I can see are the enemies in front of me, and I think I have to muster all my strength and cunning to defeat them. But this only leads to stress and striving. Time and time again He has to remind me that my job may be to face the enemy, but it’s His name, His strength and His roar that will subdue them. And sometimes my “enemy” is simply the things I think I “should’ve done”. But focusing on that will only keep me locked in guilt and shame. Every time I remember to look at what HE’s done & can do…instead of what I haven’t done & struggle with…a load is lifted from my chest.
Just keep moving forward, and stay consistent. God doesn’t require me to be supergirl, He just asks me to stay faithful, and stay in love.